for ekc

40 weeks, 3 days.

For the uninitiated, babies are supposed to come out at 40 weeks.

you know what they don't tell you?

They don't tell you that, when you're soon to give birth, it feels like someone kicked you in the crotch. Seriously, it's a soreness in your bones. It makes you walk funny. It's unpleasant.

They also don't tell you that the collection of any amount of urine, even a couple tablespoons, in your bladder actually hurts. So much so that sometimes you can't stand up straight. You go to the bathroom expecting a deluge, but then all you get is a trickle, probably because the kid's head is resting directly on your urethra. How very unsatisfying.

No one ever told me you can get carpal tunnel from pregnancy. Did any of you know that? Swelling in the wrists causes everything to get all squeezed up, which compresses the nerves that go to your hands and fingers. For a couple months now, I've woken up every morning with tingly fingers. Lately, my hands have begun to throb. I wear the carpal tunnel wrist braces to bed, but they aggravate my skin. I actually lost one the other night; apparently I was so annoyed by it in my sleep that I took it off and threw it somewhere. I haven't found it yet.

Anyway, I'm now 38 weeks, two to go until my due date, but I'm measuring 41 weeks. I'm huge. I feel like I look like this:

I'm stuffed up, short of breath and just plain over this entire fucking episode. Unfortunately, I'm apparently a super incubator, and even though the kid is fully developed and capable of living in the real world, it's making no moves whatsoever to come out. While I'm sure I'll love my baby with all my heart, mind and strength, right now, I'm just hoping the little shit stops freeloading and decides to vacate the premises.

Of course, I will keep you apprised of any and all developments that may occur.