When I made the big announcement regarding my pregnancy, one commenter wrote that she wanted to hear all the gory details. Well, here are some of them.
I'm feeling nothing of the happiness and love that Ms. Feisty is currently experiencing. Rather, I'm feeling a bit of resentment.
Early pregnancy sucks. Pure and simple.
First, there's the nausea and general malaise.
Then there's the constant threat/worry of miscarriage.
Then there are the big announcements, which may or may not be welcomed by certain parties (ie. employers).
Then there's having to go to social functions without the benefit of booze. Do you know how lame a wedding is without booze? Or how about the entire 4th of July weekend? Barbecues? It's excruciatingly tough.
Then there's the crazy second semester stuff: headaches, bloody noses, shortness of breath and a rapidly decreasing wardrobe because NOTHING FITS ANYMORE.
Then there are the thoughts that, "Holy fuck, I no longer have freedom. I will have this kid forever. I won't be able to travel anymore. The phrase 'footloose and fancy free' no longer applies."
Then there's the really disappointing meeting with your bosses when they tell you what they're going to give you for maternity leave.
Then there's the realization that anything fun I planned to do before the baby comes is now out of the question because all my money is now going toward baby-related items, not the least of which is our survival during the period when I will be receiving no compensation from my employers. My last big fling to New Orleans I was going to take in October? Gone. The Wii I wanted for my birthday? Nope. Fuck fuck fuck.
And what benefits have I experienced so far? I heard the heartbeat.
This may sound cold, but 15+ weeks in, I don't feel like I've bonded much with the baby. I mean, what is there to bond to? You can't feel it, you have no relationship to it, and all it seems to have done so far is interrupt my life.
I went out at lunch today, and I met an acquaintance on the street. As soon as she saw me, she showered me with congratulations and excitement. As we were separating, she said, "It's SO worth it."
"I hope so," I said. And I really do because, right now, it's the pits.
7 comments:
those fuckers. you should get what you asked for in terms of maternity leave. it was totally reasonable. no wonder you are feeling the way you do. i'd be PISSED.
it is totally normal to think all those things. not selfish at all. i thought them too, belive me. i had 8 years to think that way, so by the time Sneaky-P came around, i was adjusted. (that, plus a 2007-2008 season that included 6+ traveling adventures helped!)
i've yet to attend a wedding sans liquor. i agree, it would be bad. BBQs though- rough without cold bevs on hot summer days.
the weeks where nothing fit totally SUCK, and you aren't ready for maternity wear. i'm feeling for you....
it will get better, i promise. and it will be worth it.
honestly: i never thought i'd be the beeatch in her birthing class that said "i don't want this to be over yet, i'm really loving being pregnant" but there i was...
Oh, I feel for you. Yes, yes yes yesyesyes. Early pregnancy sucks and I couldn't imagine that it would stop sucking or that I'd get to a point where I wouldn't resent the little parasite inside me sucking out all my energy, making my clothes too tight, and preventing me from having any fun whatsoever.
Hang in there. It will get better, it really will, and at some point in the middle you might even enjoy it - all the kicking and moving and dancing is really cool. And I totally support you in complaining about the suckiness of it all.
I'm sure, as a legal person, you are aware of your rights under FMLA/MPLA, but just in case you aren't, if your employer meets the guidelines (MPLA - 21 or more employees total, FMLA - 50 employees or more total), you are entitled to 6 weeks unpaid leave (under MPLA) or 12 weeks unpaid leave (under FMLA), during which time your employer must maintain your health insurance benefits.
I don't know if your employers falls into either of those categories, but if they do, they are not able to determine what your medical leave is.
And, as the proud parent of two soon-to-be three children, pregnancy does suck, but the kids are definitely worth it...
Having never been pregnant (knock on wood), I can't commiserate and I don't know if its worth it or not....... but I do know that if anyone can get through the whole process and still maintain at least some semblance of the life they had/person they were before the kid, it's probably you! In fact, I'm banking on it.......
For the record, that first trimester really flew by.... at least for me :)
I have been through two pregnancies and I am with you. One can only puke or feel like puking for so long and feel positive. You will feel better when you can feel the urchin move inside you and you get to the cute, but not overly large middle pregnancy stage. Yes, the drinking thing sucks. I went to my 15-year high school reunion 8 months pregnant. Booze was required. Now, when that baby comes prepare yourself. Remember your first love. The first time you were just batty crazy for some guy. This is way worse. (It may not hit immediately, especially if your labor was akin to torture as mine did, but it will hit). Hell, my second is 10 months, sleeping like shit, and I still don't want to let anyone else hold him for long. (Mine, snarl. Get back.) It will be worth it. Eventually. P.S. Buy your baby stuff used. They outgrow it all in a minute. Save yourself some cash. And don't buy stuff until after your baby showers. - MN Feisty's cousin
Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts and encouragement. I appreciate it. Though I had to live through another wedding sans booze this weekend, and it was TORTURE!
You didn't mention the broken capillaries!
Thanks for that very detailed post.
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