head cold fog

Both Mr. W and I are suffering from a head cold. Mouth-breathing, sinus pressure and exhaustion have decided to camp out at our house this week.

Which is great, considering we're hosting a New Year's party this evening.

By some stroke of luck, though, we decided to have a white trash new year's party in our garage, so, really, not much preparation is required.

We've got our keg of Milwaukee's Best Light chilling; I made my booze slush and it's on the back steps slushing up, and we bought myriad goodies to deep fry. That and the cardboard box pounder of ripple chips and top the tater will keep us happy.

I think I'm going to take my slush with a shot of robitussin. Mmmmm.

Anyway, I'm currently sitting at work trying (unsuccessfully) to get some stuff done. I just heard probably the funniest thing I've heard this month. The big boss man's secretary answered the phone and took a message for my secretary. The message related to serving a summons on a party in one of my cases. The party who we served has the last name Cox. Here's the quote:

"So ... Cox .... when did you serve her, Dick?"

Again, it must be the head cold fog because the use of the words cox and dick in the same sentence made be laugh so hard I started hacking like a 50-year smoker.

Or maybe I'm just a teenage boy.

So, anyway, for all you out there, have fun and be safe tonight, and may 2009 be your best year yet.

tension letting go

I have just reached the end of an intense legal-writing marathon. I have been drafting memorandum after memorandum after memorandum, and you know what? I'm spent.

For some damn reason, all of my office's litigation files lined up so that they entered the memorandum-heavy phase all at the SAME TIME. You'd think they were a bunch of pheromone-ridden college freshman girls or something.

My last reply memorandum is due today, and after getting up at 4 a.m. to complete it, I finally made the last revisions, and it's on the fax, being served on opposing counsel (who (digression!) made some of the dumbest arguments I've ever seen ... apparently the guy is a surveyor who also went to law school, and the law gig is only his secondary job ... judging from his ludicrous arguments and use of the word "relyed", this is quite clear ... my advice for him? keep your day job, sport) as I type.

So, in addition to the stress and the deadlines and the occasional court appearance tossed in for fun and the fretting about whether to use that or which, I've been experiencing some psychosomatic bullshit, too. My face? Pizza-like. Seriously, what the fuck, I'm 32, I've had great, clear skin for my entire life, and NOW I get skin issues? Fuck you hormones or whatever's causing it! (Wait ... could it be the truckloads of chocolate I've been consuming? If so, fuck you, too, chocolate! You should be there for me in my time of need.) My body? Let's just say not in the best shape. Unless you think "round and kind of lumpy" is the best shape. And my skin? I got a stress boil. I kid you not, a STRESS BOIL. Disgustifugging yucky. But bless my doctor's heart for trying to convince me that such things are normal.

But, ahhhhh, I'm done. It's Christmas party time, and I have only small shit to do until after New Years.

I can feel the tension letting go, like it's draining from the outside corners of my eyes. Maybe I should take some time for myself, close my office door and do some shavasana, just to complete the effect.

Or maybe I'll do what I always do and surf celebrity gossip. Yup, that's the ticket. That and a martini at lunch.

Have great pre-holiday weekends!

poked and prodded

Yesterday, I had my yearly physical. Yes, I'm sure you want to hear ALL ABOUT IT. Don't worry, I won't make you queasy with the intimate details, but suffice it to say, I hate going to the doctor. (Which, of course, singles me out from the masses because so many people absolutely LOVE having one of these shoved up their hoohahs.)

This visit was different than most, though, because I had to get shots to immunize me from all the crazy diseases that still exist in non-first-world countries. It's exactly one month from today that Mr. W and I will be boarding a plane heading to the exotic destination of Singapore. After spending a couple days with Mr. W's brother (who lives in Singapore with his Singaporean wife and their two kids) and NOT engaging in vandalism, we are planning to board the Singa-Malay-Thai train and head north to the tropical environs of the Andaman Sea.

We haven't yet decided what we're going to do once we get there. I would love to charter a sailboat and float around like these people. Doesn't that sound awesome? But the jellyfish and monkeys and other assorted crazy shit they talk about makes me all the more happy that I am now immunized against typhoid fever, hepatitis, lockjaw and rabies.

Four shots in all. My upper arms still ache. Can't raise them above boob-level. It feels like I worked out really hard, when actually, all I did was complete my crafty gift and make Pumpkin Soup (yum yum YUM) for tonight's Homemade Holiday Hoe-down III.

So anyway, one month until what will probably be one of the most unique travel experiences of my lifetime. Can't wait! I'm sure all the poking and prodding will have been worth it. Especially if I get bit by a monkey.

days like these

I love days like these.

Got up at 8 a.m.

Went to the groc to buy everything I could possibly desire; we're having a snow event, so stocking up is essential.

Got home. Mr. W cooked breakfast ... eggs, sausages and bagels.

Researched recipes for toffee and caramels.

Created a stew that's cooking away in the crock pot.

Made those almond bark pretzels.

Slaved over a hot stove to make toffee.

All the while, listening to the "adult alternative" mix on cable. Currently on? Oasis.

The Vikings game is on in about 12 minutes.

I have a bottle of prosecco chilling; it's calling my name.

I'm going to do some sewing later this afternoon.

I'll probably go for a walk (or ski?) with Mr. W and the doggles.

And that's about it.

Hopefully, it will snow like crazy overnight, so I can have a day just like this one tomorrow.

Postscript: It's an even better day when the Vikes score three TDs in the first quarter.

douchey mcselfrighteousworshipleaderson

So...in making my morning foray into the world of the facebook, I came across the absolute douchiest status update I've ever read:

"[Douchey McSelfRighteousWorshipLeaderson] is making more money than ever before."

So many things crossed my mind when I read that statement. As you can guess, most of them were expletive-ridden. Here are some of the select thoughts (expletives expleted) for your reading pleasure:

First? You're still a raging nerd/geek/dweeb/tool. I knew Douchey in high school, and he was one of those guys who obviously lacked social grace, enjoyed computers too much and played some nerdy instrument (french horn maybe?) in the high school band. Oh yeah, and he was so painfully shy that it was extremely difficult, and therefore unadvisable, to talk to him. He had a crush on me there for a while (I was friends with his sister), and so it was even worse for me, going over to their house, making small talk while going to/from his sister's room, thinking that he was thinking about my boobs the entire time. Yuck.

Second? Why the hell would you put that on your facebook in the middle of one of the worst economic downturns people of our generation have ever experienced? We hear it on the news every single day ... Bank of America laying off 30,000+ people, the big three motor companies poised on the brink of bankruptcy, unemployment creeping up, our country's economic viability going down. How many people do you think he alienated by writing that statement? Was it just to make himself feel good? To get back at others for all those years he was treated like the big nerd/geek/dweeb/tool that he is? It must be. That's the only explanation I can come up with.

Third? This guy, on his page, proudly proclaims to be a right-wing Christian. Favorite music? Christian Worship and Christian Hard Rock (heck yeah, Stryper!!!). Interests? #2 on the list is Worship Leading. Favorite Books? The Left Behind series. I kid you not. So, anyway, as this guy so clearly broadcasts, he is a Christian. Why, then, does he not take advisement from that Bible verse that says, "It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into heaven."? If he followed up his douchey status update with "and is giving more away to the poor than ever before, praise be to God" then I might have a little more respect for him. But it doesn't say that. Instead, I see pictures of him looking douchey posing in front of a Beemer.

Now, I don't have any problems with people making money, being wealthy or plush-ifying their lot in life. What I do have a problem with is people bragging about it, especially when, in the next breath, the people then preach to me about what it is to be a Christian. Again with the hypocrisy, it makes my blood boil.

I'm tempted to make a really snarky comment on his status update. I really, really, really want to. But I won't. Why? (1) We have a lot of common friends, and I don't want to look like a bitter, envious bitch; and (2) I don't want to be a proponent of bad feelings. So ... I won't. But, still, I really want to.

so true ...

on 123

Today is December 3 ... 12/3.

A good friend had her baby this morning at 3:21. So it will be easy for her to remember the exact moment of his birth ... 321 on 123.

Here's a photo of the happy family:




I visited the little one and his proud new parents after work today; I got to hold the little dude for about a half hour. I've never held this little of a baby before, so it was a treat. At the risk of sounding trite, he is so completely precious, all helpless and clueless and swaddled. He stretched once and made one little squawk, but other than that, he just slept.

The parents were tired but upbeat; they said once the epidural kicked in, it was a peaceful experience; nothing like they show on TV.

I've been having some stirrings for a while now, stirrings like I want to have one of my own. Could it be that it seems everyone around me has had or is having a baby? Sure; I would join the ranks and benefit from all who have gone before me. And we could have playdates! Or could it be that my clock is ticking? Yeah; I'm 32 and not getting any younger. Or could it be that I just want to buy cute baby clothes? Possibly. Some of those clothes are really fucking cute. And, yes, there's a part of me that's really that shallow.

But then there are the thoughts like how can I possibly maintain the same workload with a baby? And what about when Mr. W goes out of town for work and I'm at home alone with a baby, two dogs (one of which can be a real fucker sometimes) and a cat? And, I'm pretty selfish, so will I even like motherhood or will I be resentful that my footloose and fancy free lifestyle is a thing of the past?

I don't know, but I would guess that a lot of people have these same questions. They're similar to those questions you have before getting married, like so is this really the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with? What if his [annoying habit] becomes something I simply cannot deal with? What if he changes into someone or something I didn't bargain for?

There are no answers to these questions. And so, at some point, you just have to decide either to run away or to take the plunge, based on what everyone else who's experienced it tells you.

In that sense, parenting is an easier choice than marriage. Yeah, getting rid of a spouse is easier than getting rid of a kid, but on the flip side, how many parents have you ever heard of that say they wish they never had their kids? Yup, very few if any. But people who say they wish they never got married? You get my point.

So, anyway, for me, on taking this particular plunge, the baby plunge, it's not going to happen in the immediate future, this I know. But it will probably happen soon. And when it does, I think I'll be ready. And if I'm not ready? Well, too bad for me. I guess I'll just have to focus on the clothes.

my kinda hunting

Once I set up my fantasy football team early Thursday, I spent the rest of the long Thanksgiving weekend looking not once at this:

But looking at a lot of these:

And this:

Once the family dinner was finito,* Screwbie jumped behind the wheel, and the fam and I headed off for a weekend trip to South Dakota. Mr. W wanted to fill out his pheasant hunting permit, and I wanted 72 hours of no work, no stress, lots of reading, lots of sudoku, lots of napping and lots of fun.

Because eastern South Dakota doesn't have much to offer in terms of action, I got just what I needed.

I actually accompanied Mr. W when he went out hunting. I was curious to see how pheasant hunting occurs. From watching Mr. W in action, I learned that, basically, one drives around until s/he finds a ditch-ful of grass next to cut corn, and then s/he walks the ditch with a dog, hoping to rustle up birds who are hiding in the grass. If some poor bird does get rustled, BAM! Bird gets shot. Or shot at. Not necessarily hit.

I saw this scenario play out several times. It was interesting. But Mr. W didn't get much action because, apparently, it is now late in pheasant hunting season, and all the dumb, slow birds have already been killed, and the smart, skittish and fast birds take off way too early for a hunter to have any accuracy.

I actually thought it was more fun trying to spot the pheasants hiding in the grass than watching the actual hunt. They're very pretty. And I can't say I'm bummed that Mr. W didn't do well in terms of hunting. I don't really like pheasant; I much prefer chicken.

After the hunting was done, we went to another big tourist draw of eastern South Dakota, the Terry Redlin museum. You've seen this guy's work; a lot of wildlife, cabins and tents, folksy scenes. I'm not a fan of Redlin's work; it's just not my style, but it was still fun to look at his paintings as they progressed from the 70s through his retirement last year. That guy was nothing if not prolific. And his museum? Some fancy ass shit. See below.

Anyway, I finished one book, started another, played a shit-ton of sudoku and took several snoozes. It was a good weekend. And now back to the grind.

*Nothing much to say here. Except I made an awesome new side dish, baked artichoke hearts, and the same pies (bourbon pecan and apple with cheddar crust) I make every year, and I got drunk, and became ornery when playing trivial pursuit. Kept yelling at my little brother that he was getting "gimmes". Good times.