phases

I was looking at the post secret site today, and was struck by one secret that said, "Seeing your socks in my laundry makes me happy."

Remember when little things like socks in laundry or a new type of beer in the fridge or the car radio being set to one of his stations -- all things that can signify the existence of a new love -- made you happy? Those times, when I was brimming with excitement, nervousness and infatuation, were so much fun. I loved those feelings.

It's different now, five years into our relationship. Of course it is. I can say with certainty that seeing his socks in my laundry doesn't elicit any emotional response, except maybe weariness. It's no longer "my" laundry anyway; it's ours.

But the stuff now is awesome, too. Especially as we wait for our little one. Little notes predicting the date the baby will come, helping me put on my socks when I feel particularly huge, never bitching about the love affair I'm carrying on with the couch, these are the things that make me happy now. They don't cause excitement or nervousness. Instead, they cause contentment, security and appreciation. I love this, too.

I'm sure that, after all the trials and tribulations of having a newborn, there will still be little things that make me happy. It will be interesting to see what those things turn out to be.

big

6 weeks to go. I'm measuring 2 weeks ahead. I feel like I'm big enough, thank you. Seriously, if you're feeling bad about your body, just take one look at me, and you'll walk away feeling like a Victoria's Secret model.




Looks uncomfortable, doesn't it? Yeah, well it is.

looking ahead

I have one case that strikes fear into my heart.

It's a huge litigation, big money at stake, weeklong jury trial. I am overcome with dread whenever I think about it.

It's a case where, if common sense prevails, my client should come out with no, or very little, liability. It's a jury case, though, so you never know.

Plus, the other side consists of a guy suffering from a debilitating brain disease. He comes across as untrustworthy, but you can't really beat up on a guy when it's clear he can no longer function like he once did.

Only one thing is making me somewhat hopeful about this case: it's looking like the trial will be scheduled during my maternity leave.

Halleluia!!!

I really, really, really, all digits crossed, hope this occurs. Then my big boss will have to do it, and I'll get off scot-free.

I think I'll still have to try at least two cases before my leave, but both should be relatively straightforward. As I've tried more cases, the stress associated with litigation has decreased. It still keeps me awake at night sometimes, but not as much as it used to.

That's the benefit of losing. It helps you realize that life (and work) marches on.

Stress is necessary to keep you sharp, but it shouldn't be paralyzing. For me, that's been a tough lesson to learn.

halfway there

I reached a big milestone this past weekend, the big week 20. Halfway there.

And today, I had my ultrasound. Let me introduce you to my alien baby.

Ain't s/he cute?

Just kidding. I know it's almost impossible to see anything in these photos.

And considering the baby is almost ten inches long but only weighs about 10 oz., I'm sure it wouldn't be that cute face to face. It needs the next 20 weeks to fatten up.

We decided not to find out the sex of the baby. I had waffled back and forth on the subject, but Mr. W was firmly in the "surprise" camp. That didn't stop me from trying to check out my kid's goods, though, and I'm pretty sure I saw a little penis. I could be wrong ... it could've been the umbilical cord. We shall see.

Things are starting to change shape around here. My stomach is now undeniably round. And I have my first stretch mark. My mom has horrific stretch marks, so I guess I was being delusional when I hoped I would go without. Oh well, time to invest in some cocoa butter and one piece swimsuits (not that I've rocked a bikini any time recently).

Luckily, I achieved my goal of wearing non-preggo pants until 20 weeks. This week, though, there's no denying it ... I need the sweet relief of the elastic waistband.

I started feeling the baby move about a week and a half ago. All of the baby websites say it feels like bubbles or fluttering. Not for me. For me, it was more like my stomach was dropping. And every once in a while, I feel a swift kick to my bladder. As annoying as that may sound, I actually enjoy it. Again, it's nice to have that reassurance that all is going well in there.

So, anyway, halfway there. I think the second half will go faster than the first half did. First, it's the fall, my favorite time of year. Fall always goes fast. Second, because things are only going to get more noticeable, it's much easier to see the progress. Third, now I get to start really getting ready ... buying cute onesies, outfitting the nursery, etc. All fun stuff.

Still no booze, though. The next 20 weeks can't go fast enough.

all's well that ends well

So...I ended up calling the court on Friday to find out whether I won. Unfortunately, because of budget cuts, the judges no longer have their own clerks, so once the order is entered in the main court administration system, it basically takes an act of Congress to get someone to look the order up. Suffice it to say, at the end of the day and throughout the weekend, the outcome of the case was a mystery.

On Saturday, my family and I went to Bellisios for a little nosh. I could see my office window from the parking lot and thought that maybe I should run over there quick to find out. That thought lasted less than a nanosecond (the office? on a weekend? when I have no impending deadlines?) before I thought, "Fuck it."

But first thing this morning, I saw the envelope on the front desk as I walked in. I ripped into it as fast as I could, not bothering with customary morning pleasantries.

Skip the findings, straight to the order. Relief Granted. SUCCESS! Yay!

Incidentally, my brother also adopted my cat effective this morning, so today's starting out pretty great. I hope it continues.

P.S. Just got off the phone with the client. This goes without saying, but calling with good results is WAY more fun than calling with bad.

to call or not to call, that is the question

I had a trial last Tuesday, a one-day-er, pretty straightforward court trial.

I've been checking the court's online record system every single day to see if the judge had made his decision.

This morning, sure enough, I found that the case had been marked "closed" and that, yesterday, the judge had entered his findings of fact, conclusions of law, order for judgment and judgment.

Unfortunately, the judge's decision did not come in today's mail. So now I'm faced with the conundrum: should I call the court to learn the judge's decision or not?

I usually cannot stand suspense. I have been known to unwrap and carefully rewrap Christmas presents because I just couldn't take it.

The last time this happened, however, I found out I lost, and I had to live with the news over the entire Memorial Day weekend before I actually received and was able to read the basis for the negative decision. The not knowing sucked.

So, internet, what shall I do?

do you ever wonder how you're going to die?

I usually don't. I choose not to dwell on the macabre.

However, with yesterday's big report of how swine flue affects pregnant women, I can't help but wonder, "Is this how it will end for me?" Being 7-9 months pregnant during the heart of flu season doesn't bode well.

Add in the fact that I also have asthma (which places me into another "high risk" category), and, hey, there's some cause for concern.

Truthfully, I think my chances of suffering from swine flu this fall/winter are pretty slim. I rarely, if ever, come into contact with kids. None of my co-workers have kids. I already cover my mouth when I cough, and I carry hand sanitizer in my purse. And when it comes to sickness-type things, I'm an ox. So I'm not nervous.

I contemplated these things yesterday as I had to drive to a neighboring county to walk a roadway for my work. The county in which the roadway is located is currently playing host to the annual Hells Angels rally. Apparently, thousands of Hells Angels have flooded into the area. In anticipation of their dastardly deeds, local, state and federal cops have also flooded the area.

I wondered whether my chances of being killed by a Hells Angel were greater than my chances of being killed by swine flu. Considering that I saw not one motorcyclist, other than two state patrol, I'm guessing swine flu it is.

Incidentally, I saw the state motorcycle cops on the freeway heading back to my office. They were passing everyone, sirens blaring and lights flashing. I was hoping I'd come upon a gang fight or something, but when I finally caught up with the state patrol, guess where they were? Driving into the parking lot at McDonalds.

Hmmmm, so glad they're here to protect us.